Well I was massively impressed/concerned about Sean’s aptitude when it came to discussing flowers and decorations with the staff at the wedding fair. I tried to look as if I understood all the different options that we were being presented with. I just kept nodding away when she was talking, in what I hoped would appear to resemble nodding sagely, but then I realised that being blind, I have no idea what it looks like when someone nods sagely, and so gave it up in case I just looked like a weird compulsively nodding idiot.
But Sean seemed rather self-assured and aware of the right questions to ask. Granted, he’d probably been well primed by his fiancée Emily beforehand, who was unable to attend due to a work commitment. But he ably managed to have a cohesive conversation about table decorations and seat covers, which all flew straight over my compulsively nodding head.
Sean’s head was clearly so stuffed full of questions and wedding-related jargon, that his brain was seemingly unable to hold any other bits of information or thoughts that weren’t flowers or decorations relevant. This became clear when Sean was asked by the lady to spell his name, and he spelt it incorrectly. His mind was so awash with comments and questions about backdrops, drapes, sashes and goodness knows what else he was spouting on about, that this had resulted in all other thoughts about anything else being deleted. Fortunately, I was at hand and stepped into spell Sean’s name for him, which I think proves why I am the correct choice to be his best man.
There were signs all over the hotel in which the fair was being held, urging people to get hands-on and try everything. I considered putting on one of the wedding dresses and getting a photo for the blog, but thought that this might not be the kind of responsible behaviour expected of a best man. When we got up to the bridal suite, fortunately no one had taken the invitation to get hands on and try everything literally.
“Right, up on the four poster bed love, let’s give this a good try. Give us half an hour, and then we’ll let you know our thoughts. Oh, and then we need to ask you a few questions about your range of decorative seat covers.” “OK, yes, very good, we’ll take it.”
“I think one of you has done that already. Also, is this even your bride to b?e”
“Well, you told us to get hands-on and try everything. My bride to be is with this girl’s bloke, trying out the showering facilities. We’ve been coming to wedding fairs for years. A lovely way to spend a weekend. Now, talk to me about seat covers. I always find a lovely bit o seat cover chat helps me unwind after sex”.
While the three of us resisted the urge to partake in test driving the bed, we did however sample quite a lot of free canapés and Prosecco, purely for research purposes you understand; after all, I take my responsibilities as best man very seriously.
Unfortunately, all this imbibing means that I now feel very tired, and can barely keep my eyes open, let alone write a blog post. Annoyingly, I had a fifty minute train journey this morning which I could have spent writing today’s Dollop, but I wanted to wait until after the wedding fair in order to regale you with tales from the afternoon, but alas, nothing really happened of note. There was some very nice Prosecco and lots of canapés, which I drank and ate whilst listening to a lady talking about flowers and decorations. And that’s all really.
Perhaps I should have asked her if she had any amusing flower or decoration-related anecdotes that I could include in today’s Dollop, or maybe a witty story about canapés, but the drink and food had made me all slovenly and tired and I lacked the foresight to ask her. And now I’ve missed out, and some other blogger at the fair, who was completely sober and alert, has probably filled their blog with the LADY’S humorous flowers, decorations and canapé stories that should have been mine. And now I am paying the price, because I am completely defficient in ideas to write about, and I am too tired to think of anything myself. If I was more awake, I could have manufactured a hilarious story about canapés, and any other day I’d be the perfect man for such a job, but alas, not today.
If anyone reading/listening to this has any amusing canapé anecdotes, then feel free to leave a comment.