Wow! You’re back for more!?
Yesterday’s blog post
unexpectedly turned into a lengthy insert from my biography. I haven’t actually written a biography but if I did I’d probably donate the proceeds to Tony Blaire. Just in case he finds himself strapped for cash. If you didn’t read
”Yesterday’s blog post,
then it might be a good idea to do that first. It will update you on where we are in the epic story, or (more likely) will inform your choice to quickly close your internet browser and never visit this site again. It was in essence a very lengthy blog post all about me. And now here’s part two. If you do decide to read this post (in spite of your better judgement) then take heart in some words I accidentally found on a blog post from another person called David Eagle. I was searching for my last blog post on Google to see if it was showing up in the search results, but instead of my post at number one I found another David Eagle’s blog post which included the following apposite words:

“I firmly believe that a human being can endure any torture, however grim, if he only knows that there is an end.”

So bare with this post. You can get through it. There is an end. Thanks to
”those wise words from a much more wise and informed David Eagle
for those encouraging words.

Anyway, I digress. Fancy that!

After my setbacks last time with the various hospital radio stations, I decided to take a different approach. This time I wouldn’t tell them I was blind on the phone or in a letter. I would simply turn up with my cane to the studio and take it from there. This approach seemed to work much better.

The first radio station I visited was a local community radio station. I won’t name the radio station because I am about to be not too complimentary about them. The manager listened to my demo and seemed to love it. I thought he might have been getting where I was coming from. He said he definitely wanted me to present on the station. I was thinking that everything was going great. He’d heard the demo and so knew my style. The demo contained snippets of song parodies, spoof adverts, sketches and a few links that were far removed from the generic “this is, that was” format of modern day local commercial radio stations. I took the attitude that if I was going to work in radio, and try and achieve this against the obstacle of my blindness and the discrimination I’d witnessed so far, then I was going to make radio that I thought was really interesting and worthwhile. Otherwise there was no point. If I wasn’t different or better than the average local commercial radio presenter then why should an employer choose me above someone else, especially if that someone else can see and therefore won’t be an extra hassle?

The station manager seemed really enthusiastic and asked me to come in to the studio the following week to go through a few things. Little did I know that these “few things” would make me so disillusioned with a lot of radio, especially local commercial radio.

The following week I turned up at the studio. The manager greeted me and took me into a room and introduced me to another two men. One of the men was a trainee on his first day, and the other was a presenter at the station. In just one hour from walking into that room I would have my enthusiasm for radio presenting crushed. Bare in mind I had wanted to work in radio since I was really young. I had heard broadcasters like
”Kenny Everett’
and
”Chris Moyles
and wanted to try and create something exciting. But the manager of this station had a very different idea.

First we were introduced to a handbook, which the manager called “the radio station’s bible”. He then proceeded to read us some commandments for presenters. For some unfathomable reason, I don’t seem to be able to recall these commandments verbatim. I will however paraphrase.
“1. Presenter links should last no longer than two minutes.”
I interrupted the station manager before he moved on to the second commandment. I informed him that I was already recording my own folk music podcast with my folk group
”The Young’uns
and that we interviewed lots of great folk music performers. I explained that I was planning to incorporate some of this into programmes. I also explained that some of my written material might go over the two minute mark. Plus, all the radio presenters I respected did links that were over two minutes in length. I expected him to instantly capitulate and say that this would be fine, and that these were just rough guidelines for trainee presenters. My optimism soon faded when he told me in no uncertain terms that people didn’t turn on their radios to hear the presenter but to listen to music. Besides, no one wanted to listen to folk music. I would be given a list of songs to play each programme, and I would have to stick to that list rigidly. He then proceeded to quickly move on to the second commandment.

One of the Other commandments stated that the presenter must never call the songs “tracks”. I never did understand his logic for that one. Apparently it didn’t sound right to call a song a track. We must call it a song, although we were allowed to call it a record, even though the songs were digital files on a computer disc drive. He also qualified his reasoning by saying, “it just makes for better radio”. I began to wonder how many Sony radio awards amazingly talented presenters had missed out on simply because they accidentally used the word “track” rather than “song”. If only they’d read the radio station bible.

Another commandment stated that the presenter should start each link by saying what the last track – sorry song – was, then give the listener the time. Apparently giving the listener the time was of vital importance. I’d lost the will to even protest now, and I sat there becoming more and more deflated as he expounded on all the various reasons why time checks were essential. To illustrate this point, he imagined a number of scenarios where someone might be listening to the radio, dependant on knowing the time.

“imagine if you were late for work because the presenter didn’t tell you the time, or if you forgot to pick the children up from school because you didn’t realise what the time was. Imagine if you needed to buy some milk for the morning but because the presenter didn’t tell you the time you can’t because the shop is closed”. Each fictional scenario was delivered as if each situation was a horrifying thought, and was proceeded by a pause to increase the drama. He was also pounding the table rhythmically as he spoke, and everyone knows that when someone does that, then they really are talking the truth. It’s just one of those facts. I didn’t have it in me to remark that if people were so obsessed with the time then they would probably wear a watch, and even if I did say that, he’d probably come back at me with something remarkably insightful like, “yes but what if the watch broke?” And how could anyone come back with an answer to that?

I did however raise a protest about one of the commandments which stated that every hour must be marked by weather and traffic/travel bulletins. The week before, the manager and I had decided that I would record the programmes at home in advance. I was already doing a bit of small-scale voice over and production work at this point and had my own studio. Weather and traffic bulletins were a reasonable thing to include into a live broadcast, but surely the manager would see that they were pointless on a radio show that was pre-recorded and broadcast after 7 P.M.. What he said astounded me. Rather than saying I could simply drop the weather and traffic reports he told me that I should just make them up. He would provide me with some scripts of weather and travel bulletins that had been used in other programmes and I was instructed to just read one of those every hour. He also recommended that I should make up listener’s text messages and read them out.

The meeting continued with the manager and presenter giving us a five minute demonstration of the perfect radio show, which conformed entirely to the commandments as set out by the Radio Station’s Bible. It was the most uninspiring, generic load of drivel. The manager concluded the meeting by announcing triumphantly: “And that’s radio!”

My relationship with that station didn’t really develop any further. I also then found them to be just as reticent about taking on a blind person as all the other stations and so it wouldn’t have worked, even if I wasn’t totally disillusioned about everything they stood for.

Interestingly, the radio station in question have been sanctioned a number of times by
”Ofcom
for faking competition winners, and asking people to text and phone into pre-recorded shows. Seriously, what’s wrong with Ofcom? don’t they realise, “that’s radio!”

So another day on, and I still haven’t told you about why I left
”Southside.

The story will continue tomorrow. Don’t worry. Take courage in those words from David Eagle,
”the real David Eagle:

“I firmly believe that a human being can endure any torture, however grim, if he only knows that there is an end.”

Then again, he’s probably never read one of my blog posts.

Believe it or not, I actually hate writing about myself. This is why my blog posts tend to end up becoming surreal rambles about made-up things. I intended to use this blog as a way of promoting myself and my work, but often I fail to do this and decide instead to go on a complete tangent about something else. Take
”my first blog post
for instance. I spent the first paragraph talking about punctuation marks, and then proceeded to real off a series of puns relating to toilets. I didn’t even mention how old I was, where I lived, how long I’d been working and in what capacity, not to mention all the kind of fascinating things people write about themselves on facebook and Twitter. My shoe size was completely omitted, as was my gaming scores for virtual pin the tail on the donkey, or whatever the kids are playing on Facebook these days. I can’t keep up with all the latest Facebook fads. I log into facebook and people start poking me, humping me, and throwing random objects at me, such as sheep. In reality, I don’t seem to find myself being poked particularly frequently, there is next to no humping at all, although I suppose I am frequently hit by airborne sheep.

Anyway, I have illustrated my point by going off on another tangent. My purpose for this blog post is to explain the reason why there have been no blog posts or podcasts for the last three months. I’m sorry to report that the reason wasn’t because I was being merciful towards you. The main reason is to do with the fact that I have resigned from
”Southside Broadcasting.
I did this about three months ago and I’ll talk about some of the reasons shortly. Firstly though, while I’m sort of in the process of actually giving you some information about myself without going off on a tangent, I might as well explain how and why I joined Southside and some of the relevant events preceding and proceeding it.

After graduating from University in 2006, I decided it would be a good idea to get a job. With this revolutionary thought in mind, I began to send off radio presenting demos to stations. however, it was nearly always the case that the work experience person who was sorting the mail that day opened my letter, took one glance at my CV, noted that I had no experience in radio at all, and promptly binned my CV along with the demo. Either that, or the wannabe radio presenter kid on work experience in charge of the menial task of sorting through the mail simply decided that he/she would stand a better chance of getting employed as a presenter if they threw all the other wannabe radio presenter kids’ demos in the bin. I know that’s not how it was, but that’s sometimes how it felt. I put together a demo, sent it off to the station, and waited, and waited. After a few months I’d call the station and ask to speak to the relevant person, who was never available to take my call. When I mentioned who I was and the reason for calling, they put me on hold for five minutes, forcing me to listen to their station’s output which was always some really annoying radio presenter blabbering on about nothing at all. So I waited on the other end of the phone, listening to this radio presenter boring everyone to death, thinking “why isn’t that me? I could do that. Why does he get the chance to bore and annoy people and not me?” Then the switchboard operator would come back after a few minutes and tell me that no one has a clue who I am, and that there is no recollection of ever having received a demo or CV by anyone of the name “David Eagor”. I tell the person that my name is David Eagle not Eagor, but they simply say, “well thank you for your call Mr Eagor” and put the phone down. I then curl up into a ball and cry for the rest of the day, and the whole situation starts all over again the next day. Perhaps I’ve exaggerated just a little, but you get the idea.

I was aware that one of the major reasons I was finding it difficult to get work in radio was because of my lack of experience. It wasn’t that I hadn’t tried to gain experience. When I was at college I rang up all the hospital radio stations in the area but to no avail. In case you are a new reader to this blog and you haven’t read my back cateblog of previous posts, I must mention at this point that I am blind. You might not think that this would be a massive issue but unfortunately it seemed to be the only factor that stopped me from being accepted at any of the hospital radio stations I visited. I would be met with fervent enthusiasm when I contacted the hospital radio stations. They all said they loved the demo and couldn’t wait to have me working there. As soon as I mentioned I was blind the story changed. Some managers said that it wouldn’t be possible for me to work there because of insurance reasons. One person kept going on about me tripping over cardboard boxes. I wasn’t exactly sure why cardboard boxes were such an issue in the studio, but he seemed specifically concerned with the cardboard box situation. I tried reasoning with him that I had never tripped over a cardboard box as far as I could remember, but this didn’t quell his fears. I even offered to come down to the studio and prove that I could walk around the place without being brought to my knees by a cardboard box but he would have none of it, even if I wore a safety Helmut and body pads. My favourite response was from the man who turned from a really bold, confident speaker into a complete nervous wreck simply when I mentioned I was blind. Everything was sorted. He’d agreed that I could work at the station and he was extolling my demo and saying how great it would be to have me at the station. Then I mentioned I was blind. He proceeded to stammer and stutter nonsensically for about thirty seconds before hanging up on me without a further comprehensible word. Every time I called back he wouldn’t answer.

So I spent two years trying desperately to get experience but to no avail. It never crossed my mind to sue anyone or protest about it. I didn’t really have the nerve for that and the whole situation had entirely destroyed my confidence.

Anyway, after University it was time to get a job and I had always wanted to work in radio. So I definitely had to get experience. But as you’ve just read, that wasn’t easy. I couldn’t get any professional radio experience because I didn’t have any professional radio experience. So I did the next logical thing. I decided to get some voluntary radio experience, and where was I going to get that ? That’s right, hospital radio! What a great idea. Why didn’t I think of that before?

This blog post is starting to get really lengthy, and so I’ll continue the story and eventually tell you my reasons for leaving southside tomorrow.

Thanks for reading. How did you do it? I imagine you’ll probably need to do something relaxing and enjoyable after reading all that. How about some music. You could always listen to some quality folk music on
”The Young’uns Myspace page
and then
”click here to buy the new album.
It’s the perfect antidote to long, rambling blog posts. Enjoy.

Stay safe and beware of those cardboard boxes!

Man, I Feel Like a Young’un.
It’s been over three months since my last blog post and my last podcast, and I know that the Internet has been rife with rumours as to why. Well you’ve all got just one more day to plague the various forums with your theories because I’ll be letting the cat out of the bag tomorrow. I’ll also be telling you why I’ve been away from the blogosphere and podcasting duties for three months. That’s my rubbish joke for this paragraph. See you in paragraph two.

My folk group ‘The Young’uns’ have just released a new album, ‘Man, I feel Like a Young’un’. It’s available to order in CD form
”here.
You can listen to three songs from the album to see if you might like it
”on our Myspace page,
But you don’t want to bother with that. Just go straight ahead and
”buy the album now
without giving it any thought. Go on, do it, you might not regret it.

So there you go. My glorious return to the blogosphere was basically a very unsubtle advert. Don’t worry, my next blog post will probably be a long, egocentric rant. We’ll be back to the quality blogging from tomorrow.

Did I mention you can
”buy our new CD here?

Byeeeee!

P.S. I’m not dead.

Hey, I’m back! Then again I imagine you’d allready worked that out.
I had planned on returning a lot sooner than now but unfortunately was unable to do so due to volcanic ash impeding flights to the blogosphere. (Two sentences in and I’m allready hitting you with the hilarious satire.) Anyway, I’m glad I managed to return to blogging by today because I’m aware that many of you would decide not to bother voting in the British elections as a direct result of my prolonged absence. Obviously, people were becoming increasingly despondant and ambivalent, forming the opinion that a world depleted of david eagle is doomed to dispair anyway, regardless of election results. Fortunately, I’ve rectified the situation by my timely return to the blogging scene, much to the gratification of Britain’s political parties.

But the good news continues. Not only have I returned to the blogging scene but I have also returned to the podcasting scene. As a result of the complaint I referred to in my last blog post (just under three months ago. I know I’m sorry, but the pain is over now) we decided to take the opportunity to wait, regroup and come back with a different and new podcast series in the hope that I might be able to start afresh and avoid complaint for at least a couple of weeks. The format is a little different in so much as I will be taking on some of the interviewing duties, and there’ll be less of my more tangential material. I’m sure I can come up with something meandering, egocentric and rambling for you in the not too distant future, don’t worry, but for now I hope you enjoy ‘The Spotlight’. I don’t want to bog you down (or blog you down) with information about formats, mission statements, target demographics and all that jigerypokery (although I might tell you a bit about the jiggerypokery at some point). Instead, I’ll provide you with the download link, and you can listen and then maybe, just maybe, subscribe. Pleeeeeeease!

here’s a brief description of the first episode:

In ‘The spotlight’ this week:
Two motivational speakers and inspiring teachers.
Motivational speaker and business coach
Steph Cutler
and inspirational teacher, author and adventurer
Mike Dooley
share their life story, philosophy and offer practical advice on how we can manifest and achieve the life we want.
Plus, we get a tantalising – yet alas – brief glimpse at the future of furniture. A furniture revolution is upon us. Gone are the days when a bed is just a bed. A chair is just a chair. A desk is just a desk. A table is just a … well I’m sure you get the idea.

So join us for the first-ever big switch on of ‘The Spotlight’!

The direct download link is:
here
And the main podcast page to stream and subscribe is:
here.

well I’ll leave it there for today. I understand that all this has been emotional for you all, but be reassured that I will be back in the next few days with lots of updates and stories about what’s been happening, and more podcasts. Watch this space. No not that space. Left a bit. That’s it.

Well it had to happen at some point. I’m actually amazed I managed to hold out until my 53rd blog post before finally surrendering to the temptation to use an “Eagle has landed” pun. Now I’ve done my first one, there’ll be no stopping me. Anyway, I don’t think you can really begrudge me the occasional Eagle pun, especially since in this case the pun has two layers of significance. The significance of the “hot water” reference is due to the fact that my dissection of the
“”London Boat show
interview that I featured in last week’s ‘Southside Podcast’ has seemingly caused offense with the grand total of one person. So because my name is David Eagle, and because boats travel in water, my pun has an extra layer of genius. You see? I’m not just a pretty face – or in this case, (to continue the reference) boat race.

I don’t want to really mention the individual complaint in any real detail, and in some ways my hands are tied on this matter – which would explain any typing mistakes that may be present in this blog post. Sadly however, the result of the complaint has meant that the last Southside Podcast has been taken off the site for review.

I’ve only ever received three complaints in four years of broadcasting, and I don’t deem this as a concern, because I have a broadcasting style that really should elicit a few complaints now and again. I think I’d be a little concerned if I wasn’t getting any complaints at all. Imagine such flagship broadcasters as
“”Chris Moyles,
“”Chris Evans,
or
“”Jonathan Ross
without having received a single complaint. I don’t want you to misunderstand my point here. By referring to these presenters, I am not saying that because I’ve received a few complaints in my time, that this obviously proves that I am just as good as them. I am merely expressing the point that in broadcasting, someone somewhere is always going to be offended by an element of a broadcast. This doesn’t solely stand true for broadcasters in the entertainment industry. Journalists get complaints too. People complain about
“”John Humphrys.
Who has had a fair number of complaints leveled at him, and he has even been censured by the BBC, but he is still a multi-award-winning journalist and presenter on a flagship radio programme. I could go on naming a multitude of broadcasters who have all had many complaints made about them, who are respected in their field. So I don’t want to be seen as attempting to vindicate myself by using the fact that every quality broadcaster gets complaints, but it’s a vital point to make.

Let’s have a closer look at these complaints. None of the complainants have been under forty. I would go so far as to say under fifty, but I’m treading on dangerous ground. “Well at least I’m out of the hot water.) One complainant wrote:
“Sexual innuendo, coarse jokes are never to be found in the material.”

The structuring of this sentence is slightly confusing, as it kind of gives the impression that the person is complaining that sexual innuendo and coarse jokes can’t be found in the podcasts. I was however able to utilize my skills in deduction to conclude that they were in fact saying that this kind of material “should” never be found, rather than “is” never to be found. Unfortunately, I didn’t come to this conclusion until a few podcasts down the line, and so sadly my attempts to placate the complainant by including a healthy dose of regular sexual innuendo and coarse jokes in the subsequent few podcasts were unsuccessful. When complaining, it’s helpful if you structure your point in accurate English so as to avoid such confusion. If you think I’m being needlessly pedantic, then you might have some sympathy for me when I explain that the one thing complainants seem to like to use against me is any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes that I might write in my reply to their complaint. They then take great pleasure in pointing out that not only am I an incompetent broadcaster, with all the wit of a September the 11th news bulletin, but that I’m also a really bad person for using a split infinitive in my response to them. They also seem to like to use my grammatical errors or misspelt words as a way of proving that their point is obviously more well-developed than mine, simply because they happen to have wasted a few more hours of their life than me, making out with the Microsoft office paperclip. I therefore have learnt to respond to a complaint with an accurately spelt and grammatically perfect email. Not that it makes any difference. They’ll still go to the ends of the earth and bribe
“”Stephen Fry
to drudge up some obsolete inaccuracy for them to get back at me with. Until they realise that even Steven Fry has (on occasion) resorted to using sexual innuendo, and so promptly write him a letter of complaint.

Here is how I responded to the complainant’s notion that I should unreservedly avoid the use of sexual innuendo and coarse humor in all broadcasts:

“Recently we featured an item about the world’s oldest joke. The academic who did the research explained that the one subject which was prevalent in jokes from as early as 1900 BC was sex. He also noted that this has been the trend since that point to the modern day. If you really want to make a program that represents reality and our collective-consciousness, then it is my belief that we cannot afford to avoid including a subject that has dominated the thoughts of humankind for millennia. Shakespeare did it, artists, writers, musicians and poets have done it for centuries, but apparently the book stops at me. If I do it, then I’ve gone too far.”

I think it’s the responsibility of a broadcaster to understand his/her audience. Obviously it’s not a good idea to use obvious sexual innuendo and coarse humour in a children’s programme’; although there are many children’s programmes that do include such material to cater for the parent audience, and the references hopefully go over the children’s heads – although nowadays it’s probably the children who have to explain the jokes to the parents. Of course I understand that I can’t swear in a broadcast, and that I should definitely stay clear of the
“”Roy Chubby Brown
joke book, but I don’t think I should be concerned about making a few minor comments that are likely to have been knocked off (forgive the sexual innuendo) the jokes list for a carry on film for being too tame. I therefore believe it is unfair to suggest that sexual innuendo shouldn’t be present in any of my broadcasts. I switch on the radio and am bombarded with a barrage of pop songs (designed for children and the brain-dead) about sex. I switch on the TV and see products being advertised by the inclusion of sexually based material. Even the government sometimes talk about sexing up political documents. But that’s hardly the point is it? One person (with an unhealthy obsession for grammar, and a PHD in pedantry) says that I David Eagle should never make a sexually based joke again, and that’s that (forgive the tautology DR Pedant). Maybe I should take this as a compliment. Perhaps I am being singled out because they believe that if I make a pledge to refrain from mentioning sex in my broadcasts, then the rest of the world will follow suit. So maybe I’m fundamentally responsible for all these adverts, pop songs and government documents. I think I need a lie down. That’s just too much responsibility for one man.

The other complaint that I received once was a big ranting email about how I was completely egotistical and that all my broadcasts were self-indulgent. They also claimed that I spent the vast majority of the podcast telling the listener my name. The ironic thing was that the whole point of their email was about how much I repeated my name, but weirdly they kept referring to me as “David Egle”. Obviously, they could have benefited from me mentioning it a few more times.

I’ve also mentioned (in a
“”previous blog post
about the complainant who was offended by the word homosexuals. They weren’t concerned about the context I used the word in, which was obviously not a derogatory one. Their complaint seemed to be simply that I had said the word “homosexuals”.

Finally, I’ll leave you with a closing sentence from a complainant’s email to me.
“You’re capable of much better”.

And on that consolatory note, I leave you.

What do book shop employees, assassins and people who work in the packaging industry all have in common? Find out by downloading the sixth and final podcast in this current short series.
Plus, David Eagle helps give the heaviest show on radio a bit of a lift.
And there’s music from comedy songwriter
“”Martin Nesbitt.
Recorded for ‘The Young’uns Podcast’.

“”Click here to download.
“”Click here to listen.

I’ll be back with a rather long blog post on Monday where I shall be venting my spleen. Hopefully that won’t be too painful.

The fifth podcast in the series is now available to download

Today: What do you get when you cross
“”Groove Armada
with
“”The Nolan Sisters?
Plus, more rants about other people’s radio shows, and some more social network based drama (this time courtesy of
“”Twitter).

“” click here to download.
“”Click here to listen.

Back tomorrow for the final podcast.

The fourth podcast in the sixpodcast series of my highlights show on
“”CVFM
is available to download

Today’s podcast features live music recorded for ‘The Young’uns Podcast’
from the North Yorkshire based singer songwriter
“”Richard Grainger;
a dramatic love story courtesy of
“”Facebook;
And David Eagle has a nervous breakdown … again!
You can download it
“”here,
or stream it in your default media player
“”by clicking here.

Back tomorrow with the … etc etc.

Podcast three of six is now available to download.

Featuring the confessions of a criminal mastermind; a Leona Lewis song parody; an example of some really bad reality TV; an exclusive live recording from Heaven with God and Jesus; and a few puns thrown in for good measure.

You can download the podcast directly
“”here,
or
“”stream the album in your default media player.

Back tomorrow with podcast four. (are you getting the hang of the concept now?)

The second of six daily podcasts is ready to download
“Today, David Eagle takes a journey back in time to the world’s first standup comedy gig.
He introduces you to the world’s most dangerous sound effects CD.
Plus, you’re not clever, and you’re certainly not big. We hear the radio advert that will stop you speeding … apparently.”

You can either download it
“”here,
or
“”stream the file in your default media player.
What the hell, why not do both?!

Back tomorrow with podcast 3.