Tis The Season To Be Mercenary

Photo of Young'uns book cover

The holiday season is coming, the goose is getting big boned. We can’t sing “Christmas” now, can we? Or sing “the Goose is getting fat” any more, thanks to the PC brigade; yet another example of them ruining our fun. I’ve even heard that some lefty lobbyists are campaigning to change the words further to, “the holiday season is coming, the tofu is getting marinaded,” so as not to offend vegans. And of course, you can’t sing the “old man’s hat” bit now, can you? Oh no, you have to sing “please put a penny in the gender-neutral senior citizen’s hat.” Unbelievable!

Did you know that apparently a school in Brighton has dismissed their Santa Clause who’s played the role every year for the last forty years, because he refused to kowtow to the school’s new policy that “ho ho ho” is no longer allowed, as it might offend kids with stutter problems and speech impairments? They’ve got a new Father Christmas now, although of course it’s not Father Christmas; it’s a woman who they’re calling Mother Winter. Yes, and of course the school is so obsessed with being an equal opportunities employer, so this Mother Winter has got tourettes, and periodically swears at the kids. It’s political correctness gone mad! etc etc …

So, it’s that time of the year when everyone is trying desperately to get you to buy their products. Well it would be very unfestive of me to not jump on the bandwagon and attempt to sell you some stuff. The bandwagon is decked with holly, tinsel and sleigh bells, incidentally. Actually, the reason I need your money is to pay for the bandwagon; I don’t know what I was thinking. Being blind, I can’t even drive the bloody thing. It was a reckless purchase.

The Young’uns have released a book. It’s been available in softback for a couple of months, but we’ve now recorded the audio version, which is read by us. So if you’re too lazy to read, or you’re missing the Dollops and want to rekindle the joys of 2016, basking in the sound of my voice spouting drivel, then this is perfect for you. It’s a collection of tales about our various exploits and adventures over the last thirteen years, plus the stories behind the songs that we’ve written and sing as The Young’uns. You can buy the audiobook and the softback version here. The softback version has the advantage of including lots of photos, whereas the audio version has the advantage of being read to you by us. Ah, what the hell, why not opt for the full immersive sensory experience, buy them both, and read and peruse the pictures whilst listening to the audiobook? Here’s the link again. The audiobook is available as a digital download in four MP3 files.

Or if you’re a tight-arse, or maybe you’re going to buy the book but just want even more of me in your life, then there is loads of free festive stuff that I’ve done over the years. I’ll be back tomorrow with another blog, featuring a list of my festive content from Christmases past. But I don’t want to bombard you with too many links today, as it might distract you from clicking this one and buying The Young’uns book.

Until tomorrow …

P.S. Does any one want to buy a bandwagon off me?

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