Jamies Tiles Rant

On the
87th Southside Podcast, I was talking about badly written radio adverts. I probably have a whole host of cringe worthy commercials in the archives, although sadly most of them were probably created by me.

In 2008 – if you can remember that far back – I applied for a full-time creative writing position. It was at a major commercials production company in London. I new it was a long shot but I applied anyway. I mean in certain cases a long shot is just what you need, especially if you’re using a long range fire arm such as the .308 Winchester calibre or perhaps a Serbu .50BFG – at least that’s what fifteen minutes of pointless time-wasting internet research revealed. Anyway I didn’t get the job (hence the fact that I have time to fribble away on the internet researching long-range fire-arms simply to support a feeble joke). So that perhaps gives the following rant a little bit of perspective. Following this rejection, I started feverishly going through the commercial radio stations hunting for adverts, trying to find the Holy Grale of advertising, the secret formula to success. When I found a station playing some adverts I would turn the volume up and pace up and down the room, often muttering under my breath about the shoddiness of the writing, the acting or production work. ON occasion – if there was a particularly bad advert and if I was in a particularly bad mood – I would start shouting at the radio, as if addressing the creators of the advert. One day, I heard an advert that made my blood boil. With hindsight, the advert isn’t as bad as I make it out to be on the recording, but I remember being in a very bad mood that day and so (rather than keeping my geeky thoughts to myself) I began to rant about it on a podcast; I say “geeky” because this clip sees me shouting at the creators of a forty second advert, claiming that there are plot holes and that the narrative doesn’t follow. I except that this clip may not be the funniest and most clever thing I’ve ever put up on here but I’m sure some of you will enjoy it simply to hear someone getting so worked up over a forty second advert. If you listen to this clip and then imagine lots of maniacal stuttering, swearing and agitated floor pacing then you’ve got a worryingly accurate depiction of a general day-in-the-life of David Eagle.

Anyway you can download this rant
Well I’ll leave you to enjoy the clip, safe in the knowledge that I’ve successfully manage to post another blog entry that brings further attention to my insanity and dysfunctional way of living. I’m off now to bathe myself in a bath of baked beans, before retiring for the evening to my kennel at the bottom of the garden.


P.S. I feel very sorry for ‘Jamies Tiles’, who are the company that this advert is advertising. But don’t worry, I’ll give you some quality advertising for free.
Jamies Tiles! Jamies Tiles! look Here it’s Jamies Tiles!!! There you go. ‘Jamies Tiles’. They’ll probably sell out within a few minutes now. And if you go along to a ‘Jamies Tiles’ store and buy some tiles, then why not tell them that David eagle sent you, and receive a free … blank, confused, disinterested look by an ambivalent shop assistant.


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