I’ve Lost it

I seem to spend half my life looking for things. Nowadays it’s mainly my USB wire, the small USB wires that fit in to digital cameras and portable recorders. This is the problem with everything getting smaller. Perhaps in the future (which is apparently imminent), we will have all these necessary technological components built in and attached to the human anatomy. For men it’s obvious. We could have our penis shaped into a USB plug, or if you’re really lucky a firewire plug, Then we’d never lose our valuable information again. I suppose we could extend this idea further by giving females USB or firewire sockets. This would certainly revolutionise sex. Perhaps this is the way forward. Instead of all the messy nonsense we have to put up with in these less enlightened days, in the future sex will simply be a transference of binary numbers between male and female. This makes perfect genetic sense too. In reproductive terms, the X and Y gene would take on an ascribed binary value. You see, I’ve thought it all through. I can see a Nobel Peace prize coming my way.

Rather than men worrying about the size of their penis, the main concern now will be how much data their penis can store and the speed of the data transfer. Of course, we’d have to have a universal system in place in order for this to work otherwise it could get very complex. Let’s just say for instance some men are fitted with a USB penis that is only USB1 compatible, resulting in a rather slow data transfer in comparison to their high-speed USB2 counterparts. Plus let’s just say that a USB endowed man meets a firewire lady. The two would be sexually incompatible. I suppose there’s also the problem of which operating system to use. Windows? The last thing you want to have to do during sex is run to the main frame to press control alt delete and then wait to send Bill Gates an error report containing all your details about the night’s activities. If your sex computers fully go down (excuse the potential euphemism) and become totally unusable then it may be a little embarrassing to call up technical support. The last thing you want during sex is to have some technical support guy in India asking you whether you’ve tried turning your woman off and then back on again.

OK so granted, I’ve got a bit of work to do before this is fully implemented but give it a few years and I think we’ll have all the various issues ironed out. IN the meantime if any open source developers or beta testers would like to come forward to help this project then that would be great. We’ll even upload five free MP3 albums to your genitals for your troubles, o and what the hell, you can have ten free polyphonic ring tones too. We’ll even give you WIFI connectivity in case you’re in a long distance relationship.

Anyway, I better go and actually try and find this USB cable rather than wasting time writing this nonsense. Byeeee!

P.S. I’ve just realised reading this back that I might have inadvertently upset homosexuals. Fear not, my firmware upgrade will address your concerns, plus from now on I’ll insert connections at both ends of the body. I apologise for any offence and/or inconvenience my initial beta release may have caused. Phew!

 
 

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