I’ve been sitting at the computer for ages, wondering how to start this post. The problem is that I’ve been away and haven’t written for so long that I feel I should really consider my re-entrance on to the blogging scene. Should it be apologetic? Should I try and manufacture some excuses for why I’ve been away for so long? But I assumed that you wouldn’t be taken in by the line “the dog ate my blog post” and so thought better of it. Should it be dramatic? Factual? Fictional? After a serious amount of head scratching, I still hadn’t decided on how to open this post. Then I thought it might be a good idea to stop scratching my head and actually start thinking about how to start this post. Hahahahahah!
I was slightly concerned today when logging on to my blog that the entire blogosphere may have collapsed due to my neglect. The powers that control these things may have just decided that if David Eagle wasn’t going to be gracing the blogosphere with his presence anymore then the blogosphere might as well not exist. However I suppose that this works under the assumption that there is some form of sentient force controlling things whereas current popular opinion is that it’s actually all to do with sciency type stuff. Of course the most prevalent concept is that the blogosphere, along with the worldwide web and the many other worlds in the computerverse including terry Pratchett’s ‘Disc World’ and of course ‘PC World’ all came in to happening due to the big boot. Recently, a group of computer geeks tried to recreate the effects of the big boot by standing at different sides of a room and hurling computers into each other repeatedly and at great speed. Sadly, all that happened was a major expenses bill, a load of broken computers on the floor and a few computer geeks with fractured limbs and sore muscles.
In the end I didn’t come up with anything special as a way of starting and so I just decided to write and see what happened. And that is what happened. I was about to post a blog last week about the 87th
‘Southside Podcast’ which is now available to
download but unfortunately, for the first time, I was asked to remove it because of some inflammatory material I had been guilty of including. I was also called into a meeting to discuss what I had done and to have my bottom smacked. I attended this meeting and indeed we discussed what I had done although I was disappointed to discover that the bottom smacking was not meant in a literal sense and to be honest was probably only used as a device to get me to attend the meeting. Maybe next time. I therefore didn’t post last week because I didn’t want to write anything I would later regret and so thought it wise to wait until the situation had been tempered and then write something this week that I’ll later regret. I have been asked not to elaborate on what inflammatory things I said and so yet again (like with so many things in this blog) I’m not able to give any details. I will however mention one of the things that someone complained about which may give the whole thing some perspective. I haven’t been given permission to do this and so yet again I maybe crossing the line. OK, to be honest, I’m just doing this for the bottom smack.
There was a complaint about the following quote I made on the podcast. I will quote it exactly word-for-word. If you have a heart condition or any medical problems then you may wish to consult some kind of expert before reading. And now, the quote:
“Anyway, you might be able to tell – listeners – especially the ladies and the homosexuals among you, that my voice is sounding a little more sexy than usual.”
That was it. The complaint was that a listener found it offensive because I mentioned the word “homosexual” and the listener’s son was gay. It is never my intention to offend and if I have done so then of course I apologise but in all seriousness I am confused as to what the offence was. Is it offensive simply to mention the word “homosexuals”/ And if so, why? If anything, I would have thought the listener would have been more entitled to have complained if I had failed to mention homosexuals as they could have argued I had deliberately alienated a section of society. In this case, I could argue I was being all-inclusive, acknowledging (without any undue elaboration) that the world isn’t one-dimensional and that there was a likelihood that ladies and homosexuals may have found my voice a little more sexy today. In reality, the brutal truth is that neither groups are attracted to me. So using the same argument, the same listener (who was a lady) could have complained that she felt insulted by my use of the word “ladies”, or a male listener could have complained for me mentioning the word “ladies” because his wife happened to be a lady. If anyone sees this differently feel free to leave a comment and I’ll try to reply to you without mentioning gender, race, class or species. At least she didn’t point out my incorrect comparative use, as I should have said “Sexier” as opposed to “more sexy”. If she’d mentioned that then I might never have broadcasted again. Incidentally, if you’re wondering why my voice might have been sounding sexier than usual, it was because my microphone has been fixed. Great news for the voice over world. I know you’ve all been holding back work simply because you knew my mic was broken but now the floodgates can be opened once more. Hurrah!
Before I move on from this subject, I must mention that I accepted the initial complaint that was made about the podcast and understood how a number of people would have found it offensive. I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was being self-righteous or strong-headed about this. Unfortunately I can’t tell you what it was I actually said, and although you might be getting excited about finding out by
downloading the podcast, I’m afraid the offending item has been removed. You’ll also be pleased to hear that this week’s podcast does not contain the word “homosexuals” so it’s safe to listen if you’re a homophobe.
So you’re probably wondering what the point in listening might be. Well, I can assure you that this week’s podcast is excellent in spite of the omissions. Here is the description which you’ll be pleased to hear was written by a genderless, classless, colourless, shapeless thing:
“This week, the theme is literature. We speak with three authors; historian Max Arthur about the British Dambuster operation of World War II. We discuss John
Boyne’s World War II novel ‘the Boy in the Striped Pyjamas’ with the author himself along with his new book ‘the House of Special Purpose’. Author, athlete
and model Amy Bohan talks about her autobiographical book ‘Take a Girl like Me’. As well as discussions with these three authors, there’s audio extracts
from the respective books.”
One last time. The link to download is
P.S. I’ve got loads to update you on. Last week I was gigging all over the place with
‘The Young’uns’ and I’ve got loads of stories. I’ll decide what to include on shows and what to include on the blog and whether or not I can get away with uploading the various incriminating videos I have.