Don’t Get Our Goats UP, Get Our Votes Up

Tonight on BBC radio 2’s Folk Show, Mark Radcliffe announced that The Young’uns are nominated in two categories at the BBC Radio 2 Folk Awards: Best Original Song for Be The Man, and Best Album for Strangers. There is nothing you can really do to influence the outcome of the Best Original Song plaudit, as the decision is made by a panel of judges; rest assured though, we are in the process of establishing who those judges are, so we know who to sleep with.

This is a laborious procedure, as we can’t be fully certain of who is on the panel, with some people even falsely claiming to be a judge in the hope of having sex with us. Obviously we have to go ahead and sleep with all of these people, lest we should snub someone because we’ve disbelieved their claimed credentials. It’s important to make sure that we leave no stone unturned, or, perhaps to employ a more pertinent axiom, adopt a no holes barred policy.

This whole thing was certainly a great deal easier when we were up for the awards in 2015 and 2016. There were three of us to do the sexing, but Sean is now married, and Michael is getting married on Saturday, and will then be going on his honeymoon for two weeks. So it’s down to me to put my nose to the grind stone (and god knows what else) and to get my hands (among other things) dirty.

If you are a Folk Award judge who is reading this, please use the Contact Form on my website to get in touch with me and secure your spot. Don’t worry, the form is fully secure, meaning that your transgression will remain a secret. Please include your location in your message, so that I can start putting together a route and a timetable of where and with whom. I don’t want to be constantly redundantly hopping from one end of the country to the other. I’m barely going to have enough energy as it is, what with all the sex, without having to cover unnecessary miles. To you none-judges out there, please don’t pretend to be a judge just because you want to sleep with me. This is already going to be enough of a ball ache, both literally and figuratively.

While there’s nothing you can really do to help with the Best Original Song category – apart from maybe if you’re a David Eagle look-alike who’s willing to take up some of the flack, pretend to be me, and sleep with some judges – you can however aid us in winning the Best Album award, as it’s a public vote. Yes, that’s right, a public vote. What could possibly go wrong? The democratic system has of course worked wonderfully over the last couple of years, so I’m confident that the right decision will be reached.

If you’re based in the UK, or you have the technological means to fool the BBC website into believing that you are, then you can vote for us here. Unfortunately I am unable to offer all of you sex as a bribe, as I just don’t have the time or resources, so we’re just going to have to rely on merit, and hope that that’s enough. So, here’s the link to vote. Oh, and did I mention how attractive you’re looking? Here’s that link again. Thank you.

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