Dollop 47 – David Eagle vs God, Revisited

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Last Sunday I had planned to do some stand-up. One of the reasons for doing David’s Daily Digital Dollop is to help create ideas that I could then use for stand-up comedy. I decided to perform my Richard Dawkins’ death material from Dollop 7 as a piece of stand-up. I’d linked all the various elements together and came up with some new ideas. I was pretty happy with what I’d got. I thought it had the potential to be funny, although I was massively nervous and unsure about how it would go down, being very new and unconfident about stand-up.

I had a few hours before I needed to set off, and so I thought I’d just do a quick look on the Internet to see if I could find anything else about Richard Dawkins that I could maybe add to what I’d already got. Something I read might spark an idea.

Unfortunately, what it sparked was a news story from the day before, which informed me that Richard dawkins had just had a stroke the night before. I’d been so busy over the last two days that I’d not checked the news and so had no idea. I assumed however that most people at the comedy night would probably be aware of the news story, putting a very different spin on my five minute set, which was all about Richard Dawkins dying.

In my head I played through a hideous scene, in which I started the routine, completely oblivious to the news, only to then receive a barrage of heckles from people berating me for my insensitivity. Then I’d have to stand there awkwardly, explaining that I didn’t know that he’d just had a stroke. I would be booed off and never have the courage to do comedy again.

Now that I did know, it felt a bit weird doing the routine. If I was more confident and experienced then I could have gone ahead regardless, relying on intuition and spontaneity to carry me through, but I was terrified enough already without this adding to my nerves.

Discovering this news caused my thoughts to completely run away with me, and my nervousness escalated to the point that I convinced myself that it was a really bad idea to go, that I’d be shit anyway, and that this was clearly a sign from the beyond. I know that this is a ridiculous set of conclusions to reach, especially the idea that this whole thing was a sign. Ironically, this is the exact kind of thinking that Richard dawkins rails against, and the very subject that I address and belittle in the stand-up set. Did I honestly rationally think that divine intervention caused Richard Dawkins to have a stroke in order to stop me making a tit out of myself in front of a hundred people at a comedy night? Obviously I knew that it was a completely implausible thought process, but my brain was just waiting for any excuse to ramp up the nerves and cause me further anxiety, and at the time this seemed like too much of a massive coincidence to be ignored. And so, I bottled it, and didn’t go to the comedy night.

Maybe God saw an opportunity that was just too good to ignore, realising that he could engineer a way of teaching both me and Richard dawkins a lesson at the same time. Richard Dawkins had a stroke, stopping him from travelling to Australia and lecturing about the non-existence of God, and I didn’t do my stand-up ridiculing the idea of divine intervention. And the fact that I didn’t go and do the stand-up is God’s way of proving to me that I do actually sort of believe in stupid superstitious ideas such as divine intervention, even though I don’t think I do, and belittle such concepts.

Perhaps I’ve been given a special task by God. Maybe I was meant to write that Dollop a few weeks ago. And maybe I’m now meant to write this blog post, so that Richard Dawkins finds it, reads it, and realises that there is a God after all. Maybe this is my true calling in life – to save Richard dawkins.

As you would imagine, I am at a crossroad in my life. There are so many questions racing through my brain. Should I continue releasing daily blog posts and podcasts and work on stand-up ideas, or dedicate my time to trying to save Richard Dawkins? I will keep my eyes and ears open for more signs from God, assuming of course that I’ve already had a sign from God, which I’m still uncertain about. In the meantime I will carry on as normal with this Dollops project and performing in a folk group, but if the coincidences start adding up to the point that me and Richard Dawkins become more and more interlinked, then I may be forced to accept the error of my ways, and rethink my life, dedicating it to saving Richard Dawkins, and therefore saving his hoards of followers in the process.

It would be useful if God would just leave a comment on this blog post. If I got a comment from God on this blog post then I’d know unequivocally that I should dedicate my life to saving Dawkins and his fans.

I’ll be back tomorrow, unless there’s another sign from God tonight.

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5 thoughts on “Dollop 47 – David Eagle vs God, Revisited

    • Oh my God. I’m not taking your name in vain there; I’m addressing you. I can’t believe it’s you. This changes everything!

      • Hang on, I’ve just thought … how do I know it’s really God. You could be an imposter. If you are God then you’ll be able to tell me what I’m having to eat in half an hour. Let’s see that famous omnipotence of yours in action.

  1. No comment from God. Will Gurugillies do instead? I’m glad you’re not religious. I don’t think you should have bottled the stand-up. Instead you should have presented it as a tribute to Richard Dawkins and, laughter being the best medicine, you hope that he gets better soon, and then launched into your spiel. Gurugillies has spoken!

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