David’s Daily Digital Dollop: Dollop 79 – Time Warping, Mind-Reading, And More Pissing Dog-Ladies

Download today’s Dollop in audio form here

Good news for all you fans of the pissing dog-lady from Dollop 73; she is back. I could have written “she is bark,” and got a joke into the opening sentence, but this is not that kind of blog. We are much more sophisticated on David’s Daily Digital Dollop, we have high standards, as regular readers and listeners will attest. So the pissing dog-lady is back, not bark (although if you’re the kind of person who finds the replacement of the word “back” with “bark” funny, then I’ve technically written it now, a couple of times in fact, so feel free to laugh, but I’m warning you that you probably won’t have the faculties to appreciate this Dollop fully, understanding all its many clever nuances and complex intricacies. But you’re welcome to stay and try).

So the pissing dog-lady I wrote about in Dollop 73 is back. We saw her mentioned on the Blue Mountains festival programme, in fact, she got a bigger write-up than we did, which I’m obviously absolutely fine with, after all, she is a pissing dog-lady and we are just a folk group, and not even an Irish one.

Perhaps I will get the opportunity to interview her for the Dollop, and put some of the points raised in the blog to her. Unfortunately, by the time you’re reading this, the interview, if it happened, would have already taken place, otherwise I would invite questions from you all. Perhaps I could take her contact details and put your questions to her at a later date, although, I don’t want to hound her.

“Hahahah, I get it, hound, as in dog, because he’s talking about a dog, so the word “hound” takes on two meanings. My goodness, I can’t believe I didn’t know about this blog and this man before. I don’t know how he thinks of it. He could have said “bugging” instead of hound, and it would have essentially meant the same thing, except it wouldn’t be a joke because the word “bugging” has nothing to do with a dog. If he’d have been talking about a giant pissing insect-lady, then “bugging” would have been a perfect word to use, and again, hilarity would ensue. But David would know to do that, because he’s a comedy genius.”

Sorry, now and again this kind of thing happens, and I start somehow tapping into the thoughts of a reader, even though the blog hasn’t been written yet, meaning that I’m imagining the thoughts before they have happened. We’re still trying to work out what it all means, whether I am God, or whether this Dollop has somehow been parked on a less solid and more malleable part of the Internet, that causes time and space to bend around it in unusual ways. I’m trying to get scientists to research this anomaly, but they’re not biting.

“haha, biting, like a dog. A dog bites. Hahaha. Hang on, but he’s not talking about a dog now. Oh, I’m confused, was that a joke or not? Oh well, never mind, it was funny anyway. That’s probably one of the clever intricacies he talked about earlier, that I’m not meant to be intelligent enough to understand, except I have understood. Hahahaha. It’s funny, and it’s clever. I’m finding this so hilarious that I’m not even freaked out that he’s reading my mind. Oh shit, actually that is a bit scary.”

Sorry, it’s clearly a very bendy day today as far as time and space are concerned. I hope it’s not causing too much confusion. Anyway, I’ve tried getting scientific research done on this blog, in order to work out what’s going on. After all, we’ve had mind-reading, examples of time warping, and even the presence of a poltergeist. But still, in spite of all this evidence, they’re not biting, apart from a neuroscientist and Doctor who claims that I am merely a deranged man who is just making all this stuff up. This is obviously nonsense, and is clearly just a weak get-out from someone who isn’t intelligent enough to do the research. So here’s a challenge to any scientists who think that they’ve got what it takes to research this subject properly. As a reward for your efforts I’ll put you to the front of the queue to ask a question to the pissing dog-lady. And you can’t say than fairer that.

“Hahahahaha, fairer, as in “fur” like a dog has. Except it’s not really fur, is it? It’s hair. Hmmm, is that a joke. Maybe it’s one of the really clever intricate bits, and I am one of the few people to get it, because I am clearly intelligent. Hahahahah. It’s really clever and it’s funny, and it’s …”

Oh shut up you insufferable buffoon. Get out of my head.

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