David’s Daily Digital Dollop: Dollop 301 – Twice Bitten

Download the audio version of today’s Dollop here

I bit my lip again today. I say again, because, as Dollop regulars will obviously remember, I marked my last lip biting episode in a previous Dollop entitled The Pain Inducing Hubris Of The Autonomic Nervous System, which was of course, Dollop nerds? Yes that’s right, Dollop 260. Give yourself a Dollop point Dollop nerds. Dollop points can be readily transferred into free consultation time at a psychiatric clinic, which let’s face it, will probably come in handy.

In Dollop 260 I wrote, “I seem to bite my lip about once every six weeks.” This was purely a conjecture. However, one good thing about doing these Dollops is that I am able to bite my lip and then check when the last time was that I bit my lip. This perk certainly makes all the work worthwhile.

So my prediction was a lip bite a bout every six weeks, and if these statistics are anything to go by, this is about right. Obviously this isn’t in anyway definitive, given that I only have two lip-biting episodes diarised, however the exciting news is that the next time I bite my lip I will be able to gain more of an idea of the frequency of these lip-biting incidents. If the current trend continues then I should bite my lip again before the end of the year and before the end of this project (by which I mean the end of the David’s Daily Digital Dollop project, as opposed to my lip-biting analysis project, which is merely in its first stage). Rest assured though, if my next lip biting happens after the Dollops have finished, then obviously I will release a special bonus Dollop in order to journal this.

I’m sure that the majority of you reading this are very excited about this additional element of drama to the Dollops, and many of you might be frustrated that I didn’t start this from the beginning of the year; after all, it’s a wasted opportunity, and with the benefit of hindsight I agree. However, I am aware that there may be some of you who aren’t quite as enthused by this as you should be. There may even be some of you who fail to see any point or interest in this lip-biting journling idea at all, and just wish that I’d shut up about it and move to something more exciting, like WIFI kettles. But hang on a minute, because this project potentially has a very practical use. If I discover that I bite my lip about once every forty days, then maybe I can do something to combat this accidental lip biting altogether. In Dollop 260, where I last talked about this subject, I mused about why this seems to happen every six weeks or so. After all, my brain clearly knows what it’s doing and how to eat, yet now and again it seems to malfunction and I bite my lip. If I discover that this happens every forty days, then perhaps I can eradicate these lip-biting incidents by paying more conscious attention to my eating around day forty for the next couple of days, or maybe we make an even more startling discovery and deduce that it occurs cyclically every forty days.

Who knows, we might even discover that this forty day lip-biting cycle is universally applicable, and my groundbreaking scientific discovery might lead to a complete eradication of lip-biting. No more split lips, no more ulcers and blisters. So think on that when you ridicule my project, because you won’t be so cocky when I’m receiving the Nobel Prize for science. Who knows what might happen. This discovery could take me to places. The world is my oyster, and I’ll be able to eat that oyster without any fear of a lip-biting incident, thanks to my amazing life changing work.

Sometimes the Dollops are a work of comedy genius, other times they are paradigm shifting and life altering. There is just no knowing.

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4 thoughts on “David’s Daily Digital Dollop: Dollop 301 – Twice Bitten

  1. My dear boy, never has there been a more timely dolloping of a dollop into my inbox. I was on a train between Derby and Crewe. Derby County have played at home to Stoke this afternoon, but the local train company did not have the capacity or foresight to put more than one carriage on for the journey. We were packed in like sardines, I was squashed by the door, and the fottball fans were restless and loud. I sent a text to the friend who is meeting me describing the situation and ended with saying that the fans were grumpy. The one standing behind me who unknown to me had been reading my typing, tried to start an argument with “why are you saying we’re grumpy? We’re not grumpy!” etc etc. Anyway, just then the latest dollop appeared in my inbox, which I proceeded to read and laugh out loud at, keeping the font as small as possible so that he couldn’t read over my shoulder. Turns out he didn’t like me laughing either!
    A small victory, and you cheered up my journey no end! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    I hope your lip feels better super quick. I await the results of your scientific study with interest.

  2. Dollop 30. Cheek biting incidents. Now I am no professor of applied Statistics, but by my reckoning,from dollop 1 to dollop 260 there had been no biting incidents unless there were some not worthy of mentioning, then you have a biting incident once on average every 150 .5 days. That makes it once every twenty one ish weeks.

    Having undertaken a quick google search, there appears to be no information on the frequency of accidental cheek biting syndrome. Oh I have just made up a name for your condition: ACB syndrome. So I urge you to set up a foundation to study ACB. You mega stars always need a foundation to support- think of the Bill and Miranda Gates. As a start, all dollopers could record all incidents of ACB, so we can initiate a database. I am happy to be the first CEO, we can discuss my starting salary at the first Board meeting. I am pretty sure as a multiple winner of Radio 2 Folk Group for two years running you can endow the foundation with sufficient resources to make this a success.

    Noe back to the Co-op…….

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