I have started adding a few of these Dollops to Youtube. The reason for this is to give people who might not have heard of me, and therefore would not hear any of my work, the opportunity to experience what I do. What a benevolent man I am; it’s kind of like missionary work. Ordinarily, the only people who would read or listen to these blogs/podcasts are people who have deliberately come to my website because they have some idea of who I am. Sometimes there are a few people who accidentally stumble onto my website when searching for things like, “fat gay Hungarian plumbers,” (see this Dollop if you’re confused) but these people are unlikely to stay on my website for long once they’ve realised that I’m not offering what they want. I mean, I suppose there might be someone out there who now regularly reads and listens to these Dollops after accidentally finding me by searching for something like “fat gay Hungarian Plumbers,” and for some reason continued reading, even though it wasn’t at all what they were initially looking for, and now they come back everyday to read each dollop. But it’s doubtful that there are many people reading this who fit that description. Most people who read and listen to these Dollops know who I am.
The great thing about Youtube is that it allows people to accidentally discover things. It recommends videos that you might like, based on what you’ve previously watched. It also has an autoplay feature, meaning that once you’re chosen video has finished, another one will automatically start playing. And it could be anything, especially if you’re like me and you fall asleep halfway through your chosen video, meaning that the autoplay feature keeps moving onto video after video, until you wake up to find yourself listening to a documentary on a man who claims to have travelled to the year 3000. I’ve done the whole falling-asleep-while-on-Youtube thing so many times that my recommended videos section is very weird and unrelated.
I’ve just opened the Youtube app on my phone. Here is a list of the videos that come up for me to watch. Consciousness Is A Mathematical Pattern. A documentary about Near Death Experiences. What If The Middle East’s Borders Were Redrawn, by the American Enterprise Institute. Richard Whiteley Countdown Gotcha. The song Bird In The Bush by folk singer Anne Briggs. Jeremy Corbyn’s tridant renewal speech. Bohemium Rhapsody for Symphony Orchestra and Solo Viola. The Coming Quantum Computer Revolution. Amazing Beat Boxing Girl. Inside The Weird World Of An Islamic Feminist Cult. The Nature Of Space And Time From A Biocentrist Perspective. The Economic Argument Against Neoliberalism. An interview with George Formby. An interview with George Galloway. This Is Why The Zionist’s Want Jeremy Corbyn Out!!! Talking With Hookers Over A Cb Radio. Tom Hanks: America Will be Fine If Trump becomes President.
Perhaps now you have an explanation for why I’m so unhinged, and why these Dollops are often so odd; because this is the collage of craziness that I am drifting in and out of consciousness to every night. And the more Youtube is allowed to use its autoplay feature without human intervention, the more absurd and disperate the video choices become.
So I am putting my stuff on Youtube on the off chance that someone might fall asleep while watching a documentary about 18th Century Russia, and then wake up, completely bewildered to hear me talking about fat gay Hungarian Plumbers, or going on a surreal flight of fancy about the Microsoft Office Paperclip becoming sentient and beating up some MP3 files (see yesterday’s Dollop).
I’m also interested to find out which videos Youtube deems appropriate to play after one of my videos. For instance, if you listen to the aforementioned Dollop entitled Fat Gay Hungarian Plumbers, then the next video to play is entitled beautiful muscle man, which was uploaded by the police Gay Channel.
So far, I don’t think my move on to Youtube has really been successful, given that most of the videos haven’t even gained a single view. I haven’t advertised the fact that the Dollops are on Youtube, but I hoped that some people might accidentally stumble onto me, but alas it hasn’t happened yet. Also, despite being the number one search result for the term “David Eagle” in Google, when it comes to Youtube I am not doing anywhere near as well. I am trailing behind a David Eagle who does Martial Arts, and David Eagle the professional Ping Pong player. So, if you want to help my noble cause to get unsuspecting Youtube viewers to stumble across me and my Dollops, then go to Youtube, do a search for David Eagle and click on the videos that are mine. This is a truly noble task, for one day, with your help, someone masturbating to a video of a beautiful muscly gay policeman might be wiping himself clean to the sounds of my voice, as I read out a lengthy blog all about my kettle. So act now, my friends, and together we can make this happen, and bring these Dollops to the masses.