David’s Daily Digital Dollop: Dollop 123 – Sex vs Wallpaper

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So, I am now over a third of the way through this project. I’ve managed to release a blog everyday for 122 days. The audio blog has flagged a little bit, due to bad WIFI at certain venues, but for the most part it’s kept up with the written version. I’m pleased that the audience for this project has steadily increased over the weeks. The folk award win seems to have bolstered the numbers quite a bit. The audio version is way more popular than the written version. I like to think this is because you all find my voice massively arousing, but it might just be because you’re all just really lazy and can’t be arsed reading. Either way, thanks so much for taking an interest. There are hundreds of you who keep coming back on a daily basis, and the fact that the figures don’t seem to have dropped off but are increasing either means I am doing something right, or that you’re all just really easily pleased; or maybe you just all feel sorry for me and are listening/reading out of sympathy.

Thanks as well to all of you who’ve left comments on these blogs. There are quite a few comments I’ve still got to approve for publishing onto the site, and I’m very behind on replying too, as I’ve been so busy over the last few weeks, but I’ll get around to it over the next few days, as I’m now heading back home after three weeks on the road.

I am a little taken aback to discover that certain people who I’d perhaps rather didn’t read/listen, do READ/LISTEN TO these Dollops. My dad now and again tells me that he’s been keeping up with what I’ve been doing by reading the Dollops. Whenever he mentions this I always immediately try and change the subject, dreading to think what kind of things he might have read, as they could lead to some rather uncomfortable conversations. If dad is reading this and is wondering why I suddenly became interested in talking about the new wallpaper in the living room, then it was simply to avoid us having a conversation that involved us talking about eligible teenage girls who I could impregnate in order to get my home town of Hartlepool back to the top of the teenage pregnancy league. My dad is a very proud Hartlipudlian, so maybe the awkwardness of a father scouting for girls for his son to impregnate might be tempered by his pride for his town.

My housemate Ben’s parents also listen/read these Dollops. In fact, when Ben called home recently, his parents already knew about his new sofa, because of the blog I wrote about it. I don’t mind them reading about sofas and kettles, but I’m a little uncomfortable with the notion that they are reading some of the more profane and salacious content.

After our massively enjoyable homecoming gig in Durham last Saturday, I travelled back with my dad, my dad’s fiancée Irene and my aunty Linda, who is not really my aunty but a surrogate aunty who I’ve known all my life. Linda informed me that she’d started reading my Dollops. There was a bit of a pause while I desperately searched for another conversation topic.

“How’s the wallpaper in the living room?” I asked. But sadly, my wallpaper gambit failed, due to the fact that she hadn’t had the wallpaper changed in the living room for years.

“I read the one about the old people’s home today,” she said.

“What about the carpet?” I was conscious of the fact that the Dollop about the old people’s home consisted of me postulating on the subject of me having sex with women in their nineties. I appreciate if you didn’t read this you might be a little troubled. Out of context this might seem highly disturbing, but be reassured that in context it is only mildly disturbing. But context be damned, I really didn’t fancy discussing the notion of me having sex with women in their nineties with aunty Linda and my dad.

Ideally, there would be a way of having a family friendly version of these Dollops, and a way to direct family, surrogate aunties and friends’ parents to this tamer, sanatised content, therefore avoiding any potential embarrassment when I meet them. So on a day when I might be joking about having sex with women in their nineties or impregnating teenage girls, these family members and friends’ parents will be directed to an alternative Dollop all about how I’ve been doing a spot of gardening over the weekend. Unfortunately, I fear that this would be far too cumbersome and complex to set up, plus it’s also probably a bit too late for that, given some of the things they’ve already read.

At yesterday’s gig in Cumbria I talked about the unflattering David Eagle related Google searches that have been leading people to my website, such as ‘Is David Eagle autistic?’ I was pleased that the audience found it funny, and it was gratifying to note that the jokes from the previous two days’ blogs got good laughs. As much as I enjoy writing these Dollops, I don’t get instant audience feedback from them like I do when performing stuff in front of a live audience, so it’s nice to note that what I’m writing is actually funny.

There’ll be more clips of me talking about this subject at various gigs on The Young’uns podcast at some point soon. A new Young’uns Podcast featuring our Australian adventures will be released this week. In the meantime you can listen to and download all past episodes, plus subscribe for free to receive the podcast automatically through Itunes and other podcast programmes. For all that, go to The Young’uns Podccast page.

And you can also freely subscribe to, listen to and download the audio podcast version of David’s Daily Digital Dollop with Itunes here, or point your favourite podcast subscription service to this RSS feed. Plus you can search for the podcasts on Itunes, the Podcasts app on your Apple devices or any other podcast programme. Or if all this is confusing you, just keep doing what you’re doing, and read/listen that way, and don’t worry your pretty little head about it.

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