The initial point of my last blog post was to wish you a happy new year and to write about some new year related shenanigans, but then I got sidetracked by my discovery that I was number one and two in Google search results for “David Eagle”. So I’ll attempt to post what I meant to post last time and we’ll see how it goes.
Firstly, let me wish you all a happy new year. (There. Good start.) I hope you all had really good New Year’s parties. I imagine many of you were holding David Eagle parties, with David Eagle blog posts projected on to a big screen and selections from the
””David Eagle Youtube channel
pumping loudly out of the sound system. I’m sure it was amazing and I wish I could have been there, but obviously I was hosting my own party for a select few lucky fans.
The party was being held at my house and to be honest, things didn’t get off to the best of starts as half an hour before the first guests arrived, my toilet broke. The toilet decided in its infinite wisdom (because everyone knows that toilets are infinitely wise. That’s why King Solomon hardly ever left his toilet) to not flush. (Check out my sentence structuring skills!) Anyway, try as I might, the toilet refused to flush. What to do? I couldn’t exactly postpone the New Year’s party till another day. It’s a new year’s party for goodness sake. It wasn’t really an option to cancel the party because people had obviously traveled far and wide to gather in the presence of the Eagle. I therefore sent texts out to all the people due to attend the party, warning them that any toilet activities must be only liquid based. If they think they might need to pass solids, then they may prefer to refrain from coming or to try and do the necessary before leaving their house. For the rest of the night, the toilet was out of bounds and people had to resort to buckets, plant pots and a whole array of interesting objects. I was moved by the camaraderie and resourcefulness among the guests that this situation induced. Some people were very creative with their choice of objects, and the creativity of the choices increased the more drunk people got. Unfortunately, one person (who will remain nameless) got a little too drunk and sadly forgot the toilet embargo. So much for “out with the old”.
The next morning I switched on my phone to find a number of voice mail messages. A few friends (who were at another party) had rang up to wish me a happy new year. Sadly for them, they must have been not quite sober enough to remember that they had rang my phone a few seconds ago, and so ended up leaving me numerous voice mail messages that relayed the happenings of the party. Let’s just say I have quite a lot of incriminating evidence on my phone. I’ll be seeing some of these friends tomorrow night and if they fail to buy me enough drinks, I might just post the messages on my blog – and everyone knows how popular that is. The funny thing about it is that I seem to know more about what happened at the party than some of my friends, who were obviously too drunk to realize. I’ve had great fun winding people up about this. In actuality, most of the things I heard weren’t incriminating at all, but it’s fun to get people all self-conscious and anxious. The most incriminating message consisted of a game of ‘I have never…’ which is were people have to mention something risqué or secret that they have done in their lives, and the rest of the room have to take a drink if they’ve done the same thing in their life. Thanks to this accidentally left voice mail message, I now know who has and who has not had sex in a field. Ironically, I always said she was a bit of a cow, turns out I wasn’t far wrong. Excellent blackmailing material!
Anyway, there’s a couple of jolly and inspirational New Year’s anecdotes for you. I’ll probably get a commission from radio 4 to be a regular speaker on ‘Thought for The day’ based on this blog post.
I’ve got a few new, exciting projects coming up in the next few weeks, plus the first
of the New Year. I’ll give you more information on all that very soon, but that will do for now. I don’t want to overload you with too much quality in one sitting.
P.S. The toilet has been fixed. You can sleep soundly now.