This week, the Young’uns embark on a thrilling adventure in Cold War Russia. We ruminate on the sexual antics of Morris dancers at Broadstairs Folk Week. We present a rather unusual theory about toilets. Our gig at the supposedly haunted Black Swan in York appears to have been attended by an ethereal celebrity, while a living celebrity leaves us in the lurch.
Yet again, The Young’uns nearly have a run-in with the police, only this time they implicate this week’s guests, BBC Folk Award nominated Jim Causley, and BBC Folk Award horizon winners Greg Russell & Ciaran Algar. We whisk them off in a car to an Asylum in Whitby where they do a live session, discuss their strange dreams, and take part in a Bruce Forsyth impersonation competition. It’s a very up-close-and –personal Young’uns Podcast; in fact, a lot more up-close-and-personal than perhaps Greg Russell bargained for.
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I’m writing this blog post on a bus. I’ve been on it for half an hour and I’ve had it up to here (sorry I forgot, you can’t see me—that’s about 4 metres) with the man sitting next to me. His text alert is the “wazzup” clip from that Budweiser TV advert from about twelve years ago.
Immediately, when I heard his choice of text tone, I began to make value judgements upon the man. He’s obviously someone who’s very uncool, but harbours the major delusion that he is cool. He is trying to be ironic by this text tone, being cool in a kitsch kind of way. But in actuality, what he’s really screaming is: “I’m a massive twat who needs to grow up, except the transience of my existence and that I am inevitably at some point going to die. But I can’t accept that. The thought terrifies me, so I mask it with veneers such as out-dated novelty text tone trinkets–TV adverts that remind me of when I was younger–to a dawn my fragile cave in a feeble attempt to ward off the bats that represent my impermanence and insignificance.” That’s exactly what I hear when I hear his “wazzup” text tone. He might hear the sound “wazzup”, but I hear that big long sentence, word for word.
By the time I’ve heard that big long sentence in my mind, the “wazzup” sound comes again as he receives another text. It’s getting very frustrating. I should feel sympathy for the man, knowing the real reason for his choice of text tone, but I’m only human (something that at least I, unlike he, is willing to except).
This has gone on for 40 minutes now, and I am beginning to think about giving impermanence and transience a bit of a helping hand as far as this gentleman is concerned. But I think death might be a little bit extreme. I am however very tempted to stick the phone right up his arse, giving him a rather surprising answer to that bloody interminable question I’ve been enduring for the last forty minutes. “wazzup?” Your phone, right up your orifice. How’s that for irony pal? And it would just get funnier and funnier every time he got another text. “Wazzup!” I think you are only too aware of what’s up sir. Oh what fun.
Well, that thought has really cheered me up. This blog post has been very therapeutic for me, though probably at the risk of being rather disconcerting for you reading this.
If you’re coming to one of my gigs soon, then take this as a warning. If a text alert goes off during a performance and it’s “wazzup”, the Crazy Frog or any other novelty ring tone, then be prepared to do a lot of standing up, and for the ignominy of a hospital visit. The hospital staff won’t be able to operate on your rectum because they’ll be doubled over laughing as the sound of the crazy Frog emanates from your behind.
I am a little concerned however there may be some people who find the thought of all this highly erotic rather than a cruel punishment, and therefore deliberately put the crazy frog as their ring tone so that they’ll get this special treatment.
My goodness, I Doubt there are many websites on the Internet with the phrase “crazy frog and the words “erotic”, “arse” and “rectum” in such close proximity. Perhaps I’ve got some new readers who clicked on this link in Google after doing a hopeful search for crazy frog porn. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but this is probably not going to satiate your appetite.
And from talk of crazy frog porn I seamlessly transition to talking about BBC radio 3. The Young’uns session and interview that we did live on BBC radio 3’s World on 3 programme has now been removed from the BBC IPlayer. For those of you who didn’t get round to listening, you can download our bit of the programme here.
I’ll keep this up permanently. Well, I know that nothing is really permanent, as I’ve already established. I use the word “permanent” figuratively. I thought I better point that out just in case you were starting to think that me uploading my BBC Radio 3 session to this blog is my equivalent of the “wazzup” tone.
The last thing I want is for someone equally as warped as me to read this, come to the same conclusions as I came to about “wazzup” man, and the next thing I know I’ve got a BBC Radio 3 session stuck up my arse. I imagine that would be extremely painful. Especially if they decided to just go the whole hog and simply stick all of BBC Radio 3 up my arse. That’s the entire BBC symphony Orchestra up there for god’s sake. What a thought! Although it would certainly make for a very interesting BBC proms.
Anyway, you can download the arse free Young’uns BBC radio 3 session here.
Thanks for reading. I hope I haven’t disconcerted you too much. This professional freelance lifestyle is evidently not good for my mental health. This is what happens when you take me out of a 9-5 corporate world.
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The Young’uns Podcast 124 (live session and interview with the Hut People)
This week’s Young’uns Podcast is rather alarming; find out why. We recieve an odd interruption to our performance at Warwick Folk Festival. We meet a lady who has proclaimed herself the biggest Young’uns fan, although she’s got a strange way of showing it. The Hut People’s Sam Pirt returns to the Young’uns Podcast, but he’s not alone, nor is he featuring in a juice-related capacity. This week we have a live session and interview with the Hut People. Plus: Michael Hughes is having guitar-related issues, we heckle a priest, and there are a few dental-based puns for your delictation.
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The Young’uns session for BBC Radio 3 could have well been a session for BBC 1Xtra, as I went the wrong way and wondered into the 1Xtra studios. I’m sure we could have improvised an urban hip-hop folk ballad hybrid set if they were interested. However, I was pointed in the right direction and the session went ahead as planned on the World on 3 programme.
I’ll put a link on here to download our bit on the programme when it’s taken off the IPlayer.
I’ll be back on Tuesday with the 124th Young’uns Podcast featuring a live session and chat with the Hut People.
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As soon as I heard about the appointment of Peter Capaldi as the new Doctor Who, I immediately had an idea for a sketch. Annoyingly I wasn’t back at home until today and so this is the first chance I’ve had to do anything with the idea. It is likely that this idea may already be rife on Youtube by now, but I’ve recorded it anyway in the hope that no one else has thought of it.
It plays on the point that Peter Capaldi is probably most famous for playing the hard nosed, foul mouthed spin Doctor Malcolm Tucker in Armando Iannucci’s political comedy The Thick Of It. So with that in mind, here’s a little sketch which I’ve entitled Spin Doctor Who and the Daleks. I doubt this is how the new Doctor Who series will sound, but we can only hope.
The 124th Young’uns Podcast will be released on Tuesday when I return from the weekend’s run of gigs, which starts with a live session and interview on BBC Radio 3’s World on 3 programme (Friday night from 11). It’ll be on the IPlayer if you can’t listen at the time of broadcast.
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This week is a juice-fuelled Young’uns Podcast, as David Eagle is into the fifth day of his juice only detox. Sam Pirt from the Hut People offers encouragement and presents the final Juicer Minute. This week’s guest is 2012 BBC Folk Award winner Lucy Ward, who chats with us ahead of the release of her second album, Single Flame. And there are tangential flights of animal based whimsy from Sean Cooney.