The Holland documentary is here

Coming soon: What do you think I might have said to the arrogant jockey who was bragging about making his horse race faster by feeding him ecstasy? But first …

As you probably know, I am part of a folk group calledThe Young’unsAnd for the last three years I have performed at a Maritime festival in a small Dutch town named Appingendam. We stopped doing ‘The Young’uns Podcast’ but we did say we would feature a few specials. Well it’s taken over a year to do our first special, but then doesn’t that only make it so much more special?

You can follow The Young’uns’ adventures in Holland in this documentary, which features recordings from 2008/2009’s festivals. There are live sea shanties, random interviews with Dutch people, comprehensive Dutch language training courtesy of ‘The Young’uns’ language school, plus we venture into the Dutch ghetto to experience Dutch gangster rap.

I was wondering whether it would be best to split it into a few parts, but in the end just decided to lump it altogether. You can download the lump
“”here.
Of if you prefer to stream the lump (if that’s not too oximoronic a concept)
“”here.

I feel I should personally apologise to the BBC and everyone involved at ‘children in need’ which is being televised tonight. I expect that you will have significantly less viewers now, due to the fact that they will all be listening to the Young’uns in Holland. I assure you that I did not intentionally usurp ‘children in need’, although the BBc might want to consider asking me to present the programme next time, to avoid this kind of thing in the future.

And now: What do you think I said to the very arrogant jockey who was bragging about making his horse run faster by giving him ecstasy?

I told him to get off his high horse. (yes it really is that simple. Perhaps I should start writing the jokes in Christmas crackers. Well my jokes are just as unfunny, although they are a little bit on the lengthy side, as the set-up to the joke goes for a whole paragraph. We might have to invest in bigger crackers, or maybe put the punchline in another box of crackers. We could sell the punchline crackers separately. What a great money making opportunity. People would have to buy the punchline crackers to get the end of the joke. I could take this a step further. I could make a really long joke with a number of punchlines and twists, so that people have to buy cracker after cracker. I would sell the crackers individually, and people would get addicted to the story of the joke, and keep buying and buying until the end of the joke was reached. Except, the joke never ends, and hapless, helpless cracker addicts are forced to buy Christmas crackers all the way through the year, long beyond Christmas time. Right I’m going to work on this idea right now! But as an extra treat for reading, I’ll leave you with one final joke/question that didn’t quite meet the cracker standard – in other words, it’s not lengthy enough.

A group of local scout members decided to go into business. Sticking to the scout ethos, they decided to set up a business that dealt with fixing broken car horns. What did they call the business?

I will of course provide you with the answer the next time I make a post, but in the meantime, enjoy the Holland documentary.

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99th Southside Podcast, plus the great riddle reveal!

Coming soon: What do male homosexual prostitutes, deep-sea divers, and investigative journalists all have in common? But first:

The 99th Southside Podcast is here. This is its description:

Have you ever wondered about what a Lama might write in a blog? No, of course you haven’t but anyway … This week comedy writer dean Wilkinson introduces us to the Lamadali, as well as discussing the subject of children’s literature.
Science Fiction writers Alan Stevens and Fiona Moore talk about the science Fiction drama ‘Faction Paradox’.
Actor Trevor Cooper shares some acting anecdotes and reminisces about working on Doctor who.
Plus, find out all about a couple of lesser-known sexual orientations, and take part in our new, exciting competition, ‘Where Am I Scratching?’ And which science fiction monster or alien would you most like to enter into a physical relationship with?
O, and what are the two fastest fish in the ocean?
Find out by Podding ON™ to the 99th Southside Podcast.
Warning, this week’s Southside Podcast contains material that certain listeners may find unnerving, such as the sounds of unidentified monsters tearing human beings apart. Well what did you expect?

You can download it
here.
So now on to my little riddle:
What do male homosexual prostitutes, deep-sea divers and investigative journalists all have in common?

Answer: They’re often paid to get to the bottom of things.

I’ll be back in a few days, but in the meantime, have a think about what I might have said to the rather arrogant jockey who was bragging about giving his horse Ecstasy so as to make it move faster.
I’ll give you the answer when next I blog.

P.S. I’ve just received a phone call from a friend who I’ve not heard from in a while. We’ve known each other for ages and she always does stuff like this. Baring in mind we’ve not had a conversation for quite some time, So she calls me up and (before even saying hi) she whispers “Tell me what Albus Dumbledore’s brother was called”. Now you may think this is some kind of really weird sexy talk we’ve got going on, but it isn’t. I could tell by the background sound where she was, plus it’s not the first time she’s done this. In the background I could hear the quizmaster asking questions. She was ringing me from a pub quiz, and insisted on cheating because their team always lose. Last time she did this she kept me on the phone, for a whole round, making me answer questions for ages. Most of the time I didn’t know the answer and so I had to do an Internet search. I’ve got one hand on the keyboard and the other holding the phone, and while I make my search, she just keeps telling me to hurry up or bombards me with even more questions before I get a chance to answer the last one. And her quiz team aren’t any use. All they do is keep asking “Has he got the answwer yet? Has he got the answer yet?” You’ve never known true pressure until you’ve been on the phone to my friend asking quiz questions ten-to-the-dozen, with her friends and her cursing me and telling me to hurry up. Also, the last time I spoke to her she rang me from a pub quiz. I’d like to think she was choosing me because she saw me as the friend with the most knowledge, but the tragic fact is simply that I’m a sucker. So I look forward to our next reunion (maybe in a couple of months) when I have to tell her what year the Spanish armada occurred, without so much as a “hi, how do you do” from her. But as the British rock band ‘Placebo’ so sagely put it all those years ago, “A Friend in need’s a friend indeed’. (I’m sure they were the first people to coin that saying.)

O and just in case you are at all interested, the Spanish Armada was in 1588, and Albus Dumbledore’s brother was called Aberforth, but then you all knew that already didn’t you?

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The 98th Southside Podcast

Well, it’s all happening here folks – or at least three quarters of it is anyway. The Holland documentary should be complete very soon, I’ve got loads more stuff to go up on
The Youtube channel
and I’ve got the 98th ‘Southside Podcast’ uploaded. Here’s the description:

Ever wondered what is meant by a ‘Systems Management Engineer’? No? Well never mind, you’ll find out on this week’s Southside Podcast as we speak to ‘Systems Management Engineer’ Ken Evans, who attempts to explain how he could save businesses millions of pounds, but then gets a bit sidetracked talking about aquatic life and 17th century philosophers. Ken also tries to teach renowned actor
Shane Rimmer
a thing or two about business, while performing a hilarious comedy double act routine alongside
comedian Charlie Ross.
Journalist John Pilger
talks about how the media can shape the political agenda
and public opinion. All this, plus lude insinuations, and a complimentary text message when you
download the 98th Southside Podcast.

I’ll be back with a new blog post very shortly, but now I’ll leave you with the set-up of a joke/riddle I’ve just thought up, all on my own, without any help.

“What do deep sea divers, male homosexual prostitutes and investigative journalists all have in common?” …
I’ll give you the punch line in my next post. In the meantime, stay safe, and stay true to the Cores – especially Sharon.

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